The Great Softball Controversy

It was late June of aught-four when the softball revolution began. One year later, players in the small town coed softball league were still forced to play in less than meager conditions. Official batting rules had yet to be fully defined and put into writing, the fields were barely playable, and only one man was willing to stand up to The Commissioner.

He was an outcast from neighboring city where his refusal to bow to the good ol’ boy network of the Coed Softball Commission left him a coach without a team, and without a home field. He had already proven his leadership skills, whipping a team of full grown adults acting like 4 year old whiners into a cohesive unit. They may not have all finished the season together, but their strong feelings for eachother won’t die soon.

Now, on his second team in as many years, Cap’n Wol’n - as he’s called by friends – finds himself battling one of the toughest coed softball commissioners in Berkshire County. His efforts to improve the playing conditions for his teammates and all players in the league have been thwarted by the red tape of small town beaurocracy. In an environment where even the beloved Triple-A “Black Bears” are required to play in a Quadruple-A grade stadium and local townspeople are afraid to stand up against a merciless, facist City Hall, The Cap’n stands no chance against the local commission. His latest volley of demands were met by a simple response stating that “his team had become difficult and was being disbanded”. The Commissioner had invoked an old, rarely-used bylaw originally intended to prevent shorthanded teams from filibustering. Decades ago, filibustering was used to postpone the start of a game, knowing that fickle Berkshire weather would eventually allow a rainout to cancel the game, thus avoiding a loss. The brazen move shows that The Commission does not intend to fight fair.

As of press time, The Cap’n has made no official statement. However, those close to him know the strength of his convictions and the power of his determination. Reports indicate that a summit has been planned between The Cap’n and the Coed Softball Commissioner at The Cap’n’s private bomb shelter somewhere near Springfield, MA. No information is available regarding the location of the bomb shelter or a scheduled meeting time, but local residents have indicated that shipments of bomb shelter grade SPAM have been recently delivered to The Cap’n’s childhood home in Springfield.
Reuters and the Associated Press will be following this story. Further information will be provided as it becomes available.