Chapter 5: The 2004 Avengers, Part I: The Gathering Storm
Spam Boy loves softball. I mean he LOVES softball. I'm not just talking about liking to play softball. I'm talking this guy likes to manage his own team, come up with a set lineup, determine fielding rotations on an Excel spreadsheet, and keep statistics on a scorecard during the course of the game, and all of this in a co-ed slow pitch softball league. Oh yeah, and he runs his own softball website.
I'll never forget that magical day when I caught the softball fever. Following breaking news stories from the cubicle next to mine, it had come to my attention that the softball team that Spam Boy was on the previous year had given him the boot.
Now you can imagine that this could be kind of a shock for somebody who worked with most of the members on his team, and since it is just co-ed slow pitch softball team had imagined that he would just be part of the team again this year.
But not when the team had close to 30 players on it... and you insist on running victory laps around the field after the game.
So Spam Boy got the word that if he wanted to play again next year, he would have to find himself another team. Now, where we work, you certainly have the run of the facility when it comes to getting men to play for your team. After all, we work in engineering. Specifically, software. Chances are, you could just make a few phone calls and have 9 men ready to play on your team the next day. The hard part, however, would be getting the requisite 4 women to show up and play on the team. Spam Boy would have had more luck trying to get 4 guys to dress up as mascots than getting 4 women from work on his team.
After I pointed him in the direction of a couple of women that I knew that might be willing, he did manage to get 1 to commit. This was quite the boon for his burgeoning softball team, but still left him 3 short of his goal with only a few days left to register his team before the deadline. Also weighing on him was the $400 entry fee that he would have to spring for mostly by himself if he tried to go in with an icomplete team.
So he did what any other good business mind would have done... he outsourced.
Spam Boy, after expressing his predicament to the league office, got put in contact with a handful of women from a local law firm in town. After talking with them for a bit, and luring them in with the prospect of "ladies play free and free drinks at happy hour" (I made that last part up... maybe) he was able to convince them to play on his team. Certainly, that was a huge leap of faith on their part, as they didn't know him from Adam, and this guy could do something crazy, like embarass himself in front of a stadium full of people.
Unless he decided to turn over a new leaf and behave himself with this new group of people.
Nope.
With a team now in place, Spam Boy did what any captain of a co-ed slow pitch softball team in a small town would do... attempt to secure corporate sponsorship. In an effort to either defray the cost of entering the league or getting free t-shirts or mugs or strap-ons with the company logo, SB started hitting up management for support. He was soundly rejected. Well, he got a "we'll think about it" followed by a sound rejection. That still counts right? Alas, the team would have to play shirtless.
But would the team have to go without a website commemorating their achievements? Hell no!
Not long after the team was formed, and I'm talking like a few days after the team was formed, Spam Boy put together his web site honoring his 2004 Pittsfield Co-ed League Slow-Pitch Softball Team... the GD-AIS Avengers! Of course, after a while, it seemed silly to maintain the corporate name in the title as they contributed absolutely bupkis to the coffers of the team. But nonetheless, the Avengers now had a home in cyberspace, nestled under the care-giving wing of it's momma bird, Spam Boy's Sonic the Hedgehog Emulation Zone site (see Chapter 3).
Due to SB's enthusiasm about his new team, his new web site had all the bells and whistles you could ask for. I visited the site myself to see what it was all about. Needless to say, I was alarmed at the level of detail it contained. The initial features of the site included a link to the current roster (which was always changing) as well as a graphic that described where each player would be playing in the field and what the "depth chart" was at each position. Each completed game had space reserved for a box score, game summary, and pictures, audio and video from the game. Other details included a message board that the team could post to (anonymously-yes!), as well as a list of announcements and mock "trade rumors" that ran along the right side of the page.
Then I noticed something strange. There was a link titled "The Corbett Report". It struck me as a little odd. I mean, I like many other Red Sox fans had heard of Sox color-comentator Jerry Remy's www.theremyreport.com website where he gives his thoughts on the team, but I never signed on to do anything like that.
It was when I confronted Captain Spam Boy about this that he asked me if I would be willing to write up something for the site.
Me... who wasn't even a member of the team.
So my first submittal, because I could give a rat's ass, was just a simple quote from the movie Anchorman:
Needless to say he was fired up about the content of his site and the managerial duties required of him. Remember, to this point he had:
A team: check!
A starting lineup: check!
A web site: check!
Somebody willing to mock him on a regular basis on his own site: check!
A victory dance: to be determined!
And all of this happened before a single game was played....
I'll never forget that magical day when I caught the softball fever. Following breaking news stories from the cubicle next to mine, it had come to my attention that the softball team that Spam Boy was on the previous year had given him the boot.
Now you can imagine that this could be kind of a shock for somebody who worked with most of the members on his team, and since it is just co-ed slow pitch softball team had imagined that he would just be part of the team again this year.
But not when the team had close to 30 players on it... and you insist on running victory laps around the field after the game.
So Spam Boy got the word that if he wanted to play again next year, he would have to find himself another team. Now, where we work, you certainly have the run of the facility when it comes to getting men to play for your team. After all, we work in engineering. Specifically, software. Chances are, you could just make a few phone calls and have 9 men ready to play on your team the next day. The hard part, however, would be getting the requisite 4 women to show up and play on the team. Spam Boy would have had more luck trying to get 4 guys to dress up as mascots than getting 4 women from work on his team.
After I pointed him in the direction of a couple of women that I knew that might be willing, he did manage to get 1 to commit. This was quite the boon for his burgeoning softball team, but still left him 3 short of his goal with only a few days left to register his team before the deadline. Also weighing on him was the $400 entry fee that he would have to spring for mostly by himself if he tried to go in with an icomplete team.
So he did what any other good business mind would have done... he outsourced.
Spam Boy, after expressing his predicament to the league office, got put in contact with a handful of women from a local law firm in town. After talking with them for a bit, and luring them in with the prospect of "ladies play free and free drinks at happy hour" (I made that last part up... maybe) he was able to convince them to play on his team. Certainly, that was a huge leap of faith on their part, as they didn't know him from Adam, and this guy could do something crazy, like embarass himself in front of a stadium full of people.
Unless he decided to turn over a new leaf and behave himself with this new group of people.
Nope.
With a team now in place, Spam Boy did what any captain of a co-ed slow pitch softball team in a small town would do... attempt to secure corporate sponsorship. In an effort to either defray the cost of entering the league or getting free t-shirts or mugs or strap-ons with the company logo, SB started hitting up management for support. He was soundly rejected. Well, he got a "we'll think about it" followed by a sound rejection. That still counts right? Alas, the team would have to play shirtless.
But would the team have to go without a website commemorating their achievements? Hell no!
Not long after the team was formed, and I'm talking like a few days after the team was formed, Spam Boy put together his web site honoring his 2004 Pittsfield Co-ed League Slow-Pitch Softball Team... the GD-AIS Avengers! Of course, after a while, it seemed silly to maintain the corporate name in the title as they contributed absolutely bupkis to the coffers of the team. But nonetheless, the Avengers now had a home in cyberspace, nestled under the care-giving wing of it's momma bird, Spam Boy's Sonic the Hedgehog Emulation Zone site (see Chapter 3).
Due to SB's enthusiasm about his new team, his new web site had all the bells and whistles you could ask for. I visited the site myself to see what it was all about. Needless to say, I was alarmed at the level of detail it contained. The initial features of the site included a link to the current roster (which was always changing) as well as a graphic that described where each player would be playing in the field and what the "depth chart" was at each position. Each completed game had space reserved for a box score, game summary, and pictures, audio and video from the game. Other details included a message board that the team could post to (anonymously-yes!), as well as a list of announcements and mock "trade rumors" that ran along the right side of the page.
Then I noticed something strange. There was a link titled "The Corbett Report". It struck me as a little odd. I mean, I like many other Red Sox fans had heard of Sox color-comentator Jerry Remy's www.theremyreport.com website where he gives his thoughts on the team, but I never signed on to do anything like that.
It was when I confronted Captain Spam Boy about this that he asked me if I would be willing to write up something for the site.
Me... who wasn't even a member of the team.
So my first submittal, because I could give a rat's ass, was just a simple quote from the movie Anchorman:
I love scotch,Here I was thinking that this was going to get Spam Boy off of my back. Actually, he loved it as it only encouraged him more to pester me for future reports. Also, this was the beginning of him using the phrase "Corbett Report" in every sentence that he used thereafter. I note this because it will be a recurring theme throughout these stories, as well as the obvious title of this "pretend book".
I love scotch,
Scotchie scotch scotch,
Here it goes down,
Down into my belly,
Mmm, Mmm, Mmm.
Needless to say he was fired up about the content of his site and the managerial duties required of him. Remember, to this point he had:
A team: check!
A starting lineup: check!
A web site: check!
Somebody willing to mock him on a regular basis on his own site: check!
A victory dance: to be determined!
And all of this happened before a single game was played....
posted by Mike at 5:18 PM
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