Chapter 16: The Rebirth of Slick
Just when you thought it was safe to play softball again... then this happens.
This past summer, I discovered that our mutual friend and my personal muse Mr. Wolan was playing and "chronicling" a softball team out in the Boston area. I know this because he emailed me about it and send me a link to *gulp* his new website.
When he left our place of work a couple of years ago, he had visions of working in his father's machine shop and doing some flash programming in his spare time. Flash programs of what remain to be seen. Sonic the Hedgehog possibly? Animations of the 2005 corporate basketball trophy? Who knows?
Anyways, like any other year, he ended up on a softball team where they were willing to put up with his dog-and-pony show. So it was official.... 5 years and 5 different teams. Last year, he cracked the roster of a team of veterinarians. At least that's what the name of the team implied... they were the Pittsfield Vets... I assume from their collective age that they were not veterans of foreign wars.
I checked out the site due to the fact that I was morbidly curious, perhaps bored. It was painfully familiar in format and obsessiveness. The very first headline read "A-WOL Inks Deal with BWCS, Joins HardBallers", as if he really had to sign a contract to do this crap again. (By crap, I mean running around the field doing victory laps and writing about it). I was a little worried for him, to be honest. Playing in the greater Boston area and being on a team called the "Hardballers"??? He could get eaten alive. That act would wear pretty thin pretty quickly over there.
The one obvious exception to the site was that my old gig "The Corbett Report" was missing. Hooray for that, I thought to myself. Perhaps he was settling down. Finally, the prescriptions may have been working. And then I learned the following....
The softball "coach" as it were, had the last name Corbett.
Oh.
No.
Except for this time, the "he" (me) was a "she" (she). Her name was Nicole Corbett and apparently she must have the patience of a high school teacher, because she invited that influence onto her team.
I couldn't resist.... I thought I might have some fun with this. The site once again had a message board. I decided to post to it:
This past summer, I discovered that our mutual friend and my personal muse Mr. Wolan was playing and "chronicling" a softball team out in the Boston area. I know this because he emailed me about it and send me a link to *gulp* his new website.
When he left our place of work a couple of years ago, he had visions of working in his father's machine shop and doing some flash programming in his spare time. Flash programs of what remain to be seen. Sonic the Hedgehog possibly? Animations of the 2005 corporate basketball trophy? Who knows?
Anyways, like any other year, he ended up on a softball team where they were willing to put up with his dog-and-pony show. So it was official.... 5 years and 5 different teams. Last year, he cracked the roster of a team of veterinarians. At least that's what the name of the team implied... they were the Pittsfield Vets... I assume from their collective age that they were not veterans of foreign wars.
I checked out the site due to the fact that I was morbidly curious, perhaps bored. It was painfully familiar in format and obsessiveness. The very first headline read "A-WOL Inks Deal with BWCS, Joins HardBallers", as if he really had to sign a contract to do this crap again. (By crap, I mean running around the field doing victory laps and writing about it). I was a little worried for him, to be honest. Playing in the greater Boston area and being on a team called the "Hardballers"??? He could get eaten alive. That act would wear pretty thin pretty quickly over there.
The one obvious exception to the site was that my old gig "The Corbett Report" was missing. Hooray for that, I thought to myself. Perhaps he was settling down. Finally, the prescriptions may have been working. And then I learned the following....
The softball "coach" as it were, had the last name Corbett.
Oh.
No.
Except for this time, the "he" (me) was a "she" (she). Her name was Nicole Corbett and apparently she must have the patience of a high school teacher, because she invited that influence onto her team.
I couldn't resist.... I thought I might have some fun with this. The site once again had a message board. I decided to post to it:
Ahoy there!I'm evil, I know. But the bait worked. Here was the response:
I was googling "hardball" on line (I’m a big fan of the Chris Matthews show) and stumbled across this site. And since, I’m addicted to bulletin boards, I thought I would weigh in and let you know that this is a cool site. I was going to put in a request though that you have a regular ongoing interview series with the coach of your team... kinda like they do with Terry Francona on the radio. Maybe you could even call it "The Corbett Report". Just a thought.
I spoke to Coach Corbett and she has agreed to participate in this "Corbett Report". We will begin by releasing her post-game analysis from games 1 through 4. In addition, for future games we may also mic Coach Corbett and get her immediate post-game reaction from the field after each game as well. We’ll see how things go.YES!!! I'm surprised that he found nothing suspicious at all about this. Nothing suspicious whatsoever. So I had instigated a variant of the Corbett Report. But I was going to keep pressing the issue... mostly because I'm an asshole. Here's what I wrote:
So, it looks like the Corbett Report will live on for another year. The same knock’em sock’em hard-hitting analysis of the team in question, but this time from the coach’s perspective.
I am well pleased that you plan to update your website in such a manner. That Nicole seems like quite a catch. Any plans to get together and consummate this softball chronicler/manager relationship? I’d make a move myself, but I am 83 years of age with failing health. Regardless, I look forward to reading your "The Corbett Report" feature.Surely now he'd be suspicious. Nope. Here's what he wrote back:
Expect the Corbett report to come online sometime soon, hopefully before Memorial Day WeekendAwesome! Still as trusting as ever. And that's how the Corbett Report lived on into 2007. And A-Wol survived the year. And the team actually won some games. And the memory lives on....
posted by Mike at 1:57 PM
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